


That’s a Literal Hydra

by Pandagirl23



Series: Enass-AU [37]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce returns, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Hydra, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Maria Stark is Not Tony Stark's Mom, Minor Bruce Banner/Thor, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Nerd James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Nerd Tony Stark, Not Beta Read, Not that Kind of Hydra though, Partial Crack, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn, Thor returns, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Videogame References, soft tony stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28787400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandagirl23/pseuds/Pandagirl23
Summary: The team ends up fighting a legit Hydra, out of all should be mystical creatures. At least the original Heavy Hitters returns…
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Enass-AU [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017507
Kudos: 15





	That’s a Literal Hydra

**Author's Note:**

> I do not hate Strange, but for me, he is a busy man because of his duties but he sucks at arriving on time. I wanted to have fun with this because let is honest. Out of the Marvel Universe, comics did something right by being a little extra silly. It would be fun to have more of that in movies but, movies are not television shows. Most of my wilder ideas came from Super Hero Squad (Old Show... I dated myself). Next is a bit of a long story, chapter-based. Centered around Bucky and Tony mainly now. Thank you so much for sticking with their burning slow passion for each other. It might get a little agnst-ridden (I love agnst at the best of times).
> 
> Thor and Bruce, because why the hell not. I find it cute... a big brain with big muscle, but a big brain can be a big muscle while a big muscle can have big brain energy. My Thor might be a little more hostile... maybe. I don't know. Hel could be showing up as a fun adversary, but you know her defeat means a debuff. Loki might be his mischievous self. 
> 
> If you see some weird tension between Steve, Sam, and Rhodey... that is because I don't know... I am debating on something. I was going to put Rhodey with Carol but... I mean, the way Rhodey is here... doesn't seem to fit this Carol. Vision and Wanda (WandaVision, I know is out) will not be a couple for a long while. Vision to me always needed... that extra time to grow. At least 10 years to get where Jarvis was.
> 
> Anyway... enough rambling!
> 
> As usual: If the story time period is confusing, please do start at Move in Day but for Tony’s quirks and issues, please start around Flare in the Dark and Tinker Wheels. If you just want to read this one shot, again enjoy!! 😊

If Tony could say his birthday month was full of surprises, then he would say to himself, he was right. Of course, he is right. How can he not be right? Fuck… he hates being right. Swipe. Dodge. Shit, shit. Acidic breath? What the fuck?

An all-call, Accords members freaking out like ants who lost the scent trail now freaking out. HYDRA. Rogers freaking out and rushing, making sure Giacomo is okay. Giacomo with murder in his eyes. Barton and Rushman rushing to get ready to face off the entity that destroyed their old jobs. Maximoff rightfully scared to be facing off the people who help make her. Rhodey calling him saying it is a giant 7 headed lizard looking close to the Hydra in God of War. Tony firing off quick comments about how bullshit that fight was when they first played it. Call from the teens exclaiming they wanted their heads. T’Challa there complaining about why was their team got called for something like this.

Where the hell is Strange?

Problem is, they were sure that a scientist or hell even HYDRA conjured up the legitimate mythological beastly, Tony wanted to place his bets that this thing just woke up today and said let me fuck shit up. He tells Rhodey this and reminds him of the creature in the ruins. Rhodey replied in kind saying he is not going back to that ruin.

Those comments got everyone asking what ruins? What creature? What are you talking about? T’Challa oddly quiet before mumbling about the world presenting things beyond simple science. Tony reluctantly agreed because they all seen some… this thing hide is stronger.

“Does anyone have the blades of Ares?” Tony called out shooting at the prehensile heads while another head was trying to bite at his own head. “Captain America! Stop slicing their heads off!!”

“I know that now!!” The man bellowed back.

Tony pushed back his fear every time the shield wheezed by or his angry grunts were heard. They weren’t fighting, they were but not each other.

Clint over heard the Iron Man pilot asking, rolling out of the way of another head spilling out viscous acid eating away at the abandon asphalt road. “You play videogames!? Nat!” The archer smacked another head away hearing Captain Marvel cursing the beast out. “Stark plays videoga—”

Captain Marvel and Captain America both cut in with, “Chatter!”

Rhodey landed by his best friend after searing off another missing head, “Cut and burn! Cut and Burn!”

“Are you shitting me?” Tony breathed out, seeing the many heads already forming, “Just like the myth and game?”

“You did…” Rhodey flew opposite direction of his little brother, “Wanted to be Kratos one Halloween.”

Tony spluttered smacking another head away, “Secret, secret. But alright…” He turn all the coms to get the entire team on, “Okay, listen. Chop and burn. Burn the severed parts.”

Falcon groaned flying around two heads getting them tangled and in a flurry of angered hissing, “Like the mythology. How? How is this possible? I am punching somebody.”

The quiet grunt from the Winter Soldier spoke volumes to the irritation about this fight.

The number of heads that there were, they needed a faster way to rip all the heads and burn them fast. They can only go so fast all the while avoiding giant lizards’ hungry people.

Vision kept phasing in and out trying where he can. Carol did what she could, but supernatural creatures tend to have physics that doesn’t compute with realistic physics.

“I really wish Hulk was here. He can make this faster.” Clint grumbled out keeping one head distracted for all his worth.

“Well, he isn't—” Natasha was about to reply when the sky crackled, darken, and the Hydra itself convulsed by the shock of lightning striking it. Others shielding themselves as Thor came laughing joyously recounting already about his fight with his nephew.

“Thor!?” Old and new avengers bellowed out as the god himself searing four heads off.

The short hair blonde grinned, “Friends! I have return!! I have brought some of my people for solace here! But, seeing you fight this mighty beast made me happy with memories of our battle with the creatures from space as well!”

All others started going to warn the man when the creature screeched out in surprise it being toss away pissed off Hulk.

“Ah yes! Friend Bruce has come back with me as well! Joyous reunion for all!”

No one had the heart that joyous part might be… lesser than.

The Hydra situation got resolved faster with those two bits of help, and Tony managed to get a taxidermist to save a head or two for his tiny band of smartasses. T’Challa grabbed one also when his own sister called wanting one. When getting the heads snuck away, the team of heroes along with Thor and tanner de-hulk Banner, all made their way to the Accords council members.

Strange arrived on time, sort of. He explained to everyone, council members included that the Hydra was in deep hibernation, that woke up deep from its cave. How it stayed undetected for so long as the mystery itself. Rhodey and Tony eyed each other already knowing the creature hiding deep underground and in the woods.

Apparently, Thor had a family tussle and his homeworld said, poof. Ragnarök, Jormungandr, Hela (Hel), and situations of Thor getting his new weapon along with his Hammer. Loki being kind of okay (how long, who knows), Bruce explaining what happened and why he was in Asgard.

Gladiators. Fighting. Entertainment. Stopping a takeover. New people on Earth who learn to adapt. What does that mean for the humans on Earth if they date the Asgardians? Interesting. Interesting. Brunnhilde, acting as Thor’s guard (He was king now) as Thor merrily explained the events. Then out of all surprise, Thor slapped a happy kiss on Bruce’s cheek making the small man putting a hand on the god’s face while he did a hearty laugh.

Well, that was new. Must be saving the people, fighting each other, and working together made them get together. Hela… was an issue. Something about a Goddess of Life and Death doesn’t get defeated easily, so warning, warning new baddie to worry about.

Bruce happily signed the Accord papers while Thor was set as a diplomat (King, Leader, God, status like T’Challa). Bruce made quick work reviewing it over but had concerns about being in Manor with the others (read Wanda, he didn’t forget that), but the Compound had to many new people. He, like Tony, was a bit twitchy about some things but felt safer being in the Tower. His first official home after Hulk happened. This led to Tony catching Bruce up on everything them falling back into their roles as science buddies with Rhodey included now. Bruce was surprised by that but figured it was a Rhodey and Tony thing.

The genius didn’t try to get Bruce to talk to Snowflake because there was baggage, like both of them, the Winter Soldier takes some time to warm up people or even talk to them. It would happen eventually.

Vision and Bruce spoke quietly to each other (the enhanced man had a hand in building both bots). Tony can only say they… will work it out one day.

Tony let his science bro in on who made the Taffe plant, seeing as it wasn’t going to be a secret, he told Bruce his mom alias and the man instantly latched on and began asking questions. Tony couldn’t help but laugh as the man asked if he could meet his mother. Notes were needed and maybe fanboying (his momma had a fan holy shit). He did tease Bruce about taking away his taffe plant the man gave him the most heated hurt expression he has ever seen the biological scientist ever.

Ultron was… a topic that they both agreed hurt, especially when Bruce saw the second form the Ai took… and how broken he sounded even if he presented to be trouble. Something with so many thoughts of it being great, him being well-turned sour. Magic and bad influences abound. Maybe, they would never get over Ultron what could have been.

Bruce talked to the others via phone, maybe to talk about training but he was on the emergency list if the baddie was big and bad enough (Hela… maybe or Loki, depends). The owner of several properties felt the stiffness when he talked to certain people (Rushman and Barton being one). Rogers was okay. Bruce hung up before Rogers gave the phone to Maximoff. He did not laugh but the quickness that Brucie bear hung up was something to keep in memory.

A day or two later, Tony sat by Bruce eating a burger while Bruce stuff his face with four bowls of curry making happy noises. Even as Thor nuzzled into the man’s head but never interrupting their eating.

“Man of Iron.”

“Point Break?” Tony looked up at the man himself. The genius knows he talked to Thor a little after and God of Thunder apologized for… the whole choking incident. The tensity and magic in the air made decision making messy. It saddens the big blonde that the team was fractured as it was. Bruce mumbled out a _told ya so_. Tony totally did not pinch the man in his side getting a squeak from the other. He was much better at being calm, must be a Hulk and Banner communication thing.

“The Solider of the Cold, Mr. Barnes I believe, right?” The shorter of the two brunettes nodded, wondering where the wielder of an axe and hammer was going with this. “Are you interested in him?”

The businessman flushed, ears tinging in red as he crossed his arms, “Eat your food, your _majesty_.”

Thor bellowed out a hearty laugh eating his weight in food (not pop-tarts). Tony chuckled finishing his food. As nice as it is to have these two back, he felt his heart churn with the thought of what he and the man on his mind constantly now, would look like… cuddling. He needs to get the ball rolling in at least telling the deadly soldier how he feels.


End file.
